After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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