I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize