So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
