i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
