with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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