If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
