Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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