Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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