Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
