Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
