I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
