Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
