I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
