moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
