so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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