Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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