My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
