Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
