Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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