what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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