you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
