it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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