in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
