i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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