Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
