i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
