I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
