woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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