No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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