And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Farmville is her only friend.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
