I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
