you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
