I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize