just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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