2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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