your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
