I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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