Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
