Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
