Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
