im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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