im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
