I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
