I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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