I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
