So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
