He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
