hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
