I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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