I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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