I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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