I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
