my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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