Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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