i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
