Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
