Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
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