i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
