I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My ATM looks so different sober.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
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Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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