so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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