the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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