you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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