Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
