The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Can I color on your dick again?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
