i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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