I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
