and you said cock pushups were impossible
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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