it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
