Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
