Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
