So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
