Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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