Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
