once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
