it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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