I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
