Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
