I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
