why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
